Ever been beat up by your kid?

Will, sorry to hear this, sounds like he has some resentments towards you, sounds like you two need to have a heart to heart and get it out on the table. My father and I were drinking one day and some words were exchanged and I had resentments against him for the way he treated my mother. Needless to say I lost my cool, it's a good thing there was someone there to pull me off. Things have been a lot different since then not to proud of the whole deal. Alcohol can be a bad thing.
 
Thank you all for being here to listen to my problem.

EJ...
Yes, Cody made it VERY clear while he was hitting me, that he harbors some deep resentments for things that both happened, & didn't happen, over the years while he was growing.
Mostly, resentment over the fact that I wasn't around much, after his mom divorced me when he was 4. He didn't believe that I legally only had visitation rights to see him & his brothers a mere 6 times a year. He believed that I wasn't around because I didn't love them.
And, as I'm certain most divorced fathers do, I have many regrets.

...............



I have regrets about yesterday even...(see my last post yesterday)
After I made that post, he tried either texting me, or calling me another 12 times over the next 4 hours...leaving me messages constantly asking for a ride home from work because it was raining.
I refused to answer his texts or phone calls, because as much as I wanted to help him (in my heart), I just am not ready to forgive him.
I finally turned my phone ringer to "silent", so I wouldn't have to keep hearing it ring.

Does that make me feel like an *sswipe? You bet it does.
But, to have him beat me so bad that half my head swells up, and then ask for my help 48 hours later, makes me think that his apologies Saturday evening were just hollow words.

(BTW, I did go see a doctor yesterday, & was told that I have a "major concussion".)

It is now 60 hours since the beating took place.
And the more time passes, the more I think I should have called the police & not been so concerned about trying to preserve the "father/son" bond that I perceived we had prior to the event.
And, no, that revelation isn't based on anything you good folks have said here, or what my neighbors/friends have said.
My parents & older sister are on vacation. But I'd bet when they get home & find out what happened, they will all tell me that I should have pressed charges.

The revelation is based on rational thinking about the overall situation, including the fact that he is already on probation for domestic battery.
 
Will, as a divorced father of a grown son, I unerstand much of what you are saying. Even though he's 27, he knows very little of what went on after me and his mother divorced.

I am not here to render judgement. I'm just here to offer my support, and let you know, as Chupa said "you have friends here", don't be afraid to lean on us.

Shayne
 
Originally Posted By: yotehunter57 Will, as a divorced father of a grown son, I unerstand much of what you are saying. Even though he's 27, he knows very little of what went on after me and his mother divorced.

I am not here to render judgement. I'm just here to offer my support, and let you know, as Chupa said "you have friends here", don't be afraid to lean on us.

Shayne


I'm gonna have to find ya first!! I can't see ya in that avatar pic!! Hahahaha
(Thanks)
 
Originally Posted By: canislatrans54Thank you all for being here to listen to my problem.

EJ...
Yes, Cody made it VERY clear while he was hitting me, that he harbors some deep resentments for things that both happened, & didn't happen, over the years while he was growing.
Mostly, resentment over the fact that I wasn't around much, after his mom divorced me when he was 4. He didn't believe that I legally only had visitation rights to see him & his brothers a mere 6 times a year. He believed that I wasn't around because I didn't love them.
And, as I'm certain most divorced fathers do, I have many regrets.

...............



I have regrets about yesterday even...(see my last post yesterday)
After I made that post, he tried either texting me, or calling me another 12 times over the next 4 hours...leaving me messages constantly asking for a ride home from work because it was raining.
I refused to answer his texts or phone calls, because as much as I wanted to help him (in my heart), I just am not ready to forgive him.
I finally turned my phone ringer to "silent", so I wouldn't have to keep hearing it ring.

Does that make me feel like an *sswipe? You bet it does.
But, to have him beat me so bad that half my head swells up, and then ask for my help 48 hours later, makes me think that his apologies Saturday evening were just hollow words.

(BTW, I did go see a doctor yesterday, & was told that I have a "major concussion".)

It is now 60 hours since the beating took place.
And the more time passes, the more I think I should have called the police & not been so concerned about trying to preserve the "father/son" bond that I perceived we had prior to the event.
And, no, that revelation isn't based on anything you good folks have said here, or what my neighbors/friends have said.
My parents & older sister are on vacation. But I'd bet when they get home & find out what happened, they will all tell me that I should have pressed charges.

The revelation is based on rational thinking about the overall situation, including the fact that he is already on probation for domestic battery.

my 2 cents, for what its worth.

call the cops and press charges. it is going to take SOMETHING to change his behavior. better now than later. next time he gets pissed, things will probably end up worse.
 
As I finally suspected, his apology was nothing but hollow words.
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How do I know?
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He just texted me a few minutes ago, asking if I'd buy him some groceries, or take him to the local Food Bank!!!
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GGGRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!
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Originally Posted By: canislatrans54As I finally suspected, his apology was nothing but hollow words.
frown.gif
frown.gif

How do I know?
confused.gif

He just texted me a few minutes ago, asking if I'd buy him some groceries, or take him to the local Food Bank!!!
shocked.gif
crazy.gif
shocked.gif
crazy.gif

GGGRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!
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mad.gif
mad.gif
mad.gif


Be careful man and stay alert if he shows up at your door. Good luck. You could be dealing with a Headline that hasn't been written yet.
 
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Will I don't know the kid, so it's a little hard to read what's going through his head, but as much as I hate to say it, it would appear he's setting you up for round two.

-- After kicking your [beeep], he called from the other side of town wanting a ride because his bike's broke. He probably knew you'd refuse.

-- Now he called wanting you to "buy him groceries" which he knew was going to tick you off, right off the bat, "or take him to the food bank." Again, he probably knew you'd refuse the first, and it would make you grumpy enough that you'd refuse his second option as well, just in case you were beginning soften up a little.

In both cases, he has put you in a position where he supposedly "needed your help", and you refused. He's testing you, for whatever reason.

Either 1.) he's trying to determine if you still love him after he kicked your @ss, 2.) he believes he beat you into submission, now he's going to lay a guilt trip on you and manipulate you from that day forward, through guilt. Or... 3.) he'll use these counts against you when he decides to instigate round two.

From what you've described so far, my bet's on the 3rd option, I would be very careful in his presence.
 
Thanks for the advice, guys.

Rocky...
Those same thoughts crossed my mind as well.
Especially option #3.


I truly appreciate everyone listening to me lay my problems on you all.


Although, I know it will cause me to "lose" what's left of our "relationship...and it has been 4 days since the event...I'm thinking very seriously about going ahead & filing a police report.
I have been taking pictures of my face & head every day since things happened.
 
Personally, I think filing charges is the correct thing to do. You can allways drop the charges later if he is truely making an effort to change.

"If" you love the boy, ( which I think you do) text him back and tell him you DO love him but, can't be around him just yet.

Just a couple of suggestions, because I don't know what I would do under the same curcumstances.

Shayne
 
Will so sorry to hear this buddy. Sending prayers up for you bud. I think you're doing the right thing if you press charges, can't imagine how hard that'll be and you will probably argue with yourself if it's the right thing.. hope this ease's your decision. It goes along with the wisdom several have already written.
NIV Prov. 19:19 A hot-tempered person must pay the penalty; rescue them, and you will have to do it again.

Brad
 
I wasn't going to post in this thread and am not going to offer advice except this “file charges and you can always drop them later if you want and if he straightens up” kinda struck a nerve with me.

Don't file charges with the ideal of dropping them later if he shapes up and reforms. That is complete BS and he will play it fully and expect you to renege every time he cries a little bit and throws a guilt trip on you. He will take advantage of your weakness as he already has. That is the same trap people who are caught up in a domestic violence situation often fall for and it simply doesn't work. Either do it or don't but whatever you do be consistent and reliable. You'll feel better about it, he will come to better understand you, and you won't waste the cops time and become the guy that "cry's wolf" all the dammed time. Pick a course of action and then follow through with it with no waffling and floundering around. Nike said it best... "Just do it!"
 
Wow very sad story to read, I have a daughter through another marriage and sometimes I think she has some unsaid issues with it(some of it probably legit) nothing close to this though, I would definitely consider not being around your son if he has been drinking as that might be the fuel that brings a lot of this out, My Son and I occasionally get into some pretty good shouting matches(especially when he runs my truck through the garage door lol) but it never really turns physical.
 
Even if you filed charges and wanted to drop them the state or county would pick them up and continue with the case. It would be state vs. Junior not You vs. Junior.

He needs his friends and family telling him he has problems not the state or a judge. Being seen as a danger to everyone you know would have a much larger impact on my life compared to fines or state mandated classes or picking up garbage on the side of the road. Dealing with the court system is one of the only things to make me have some drinks to forget their B.S.

If you are worried about another fight, have some pepper spray or tazer handy... and kick him when he is down.
 
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Originally Posted By: Rock KnockerEven if you filed charges and wanted to drop them the state or county would pick them up and continue with the case. It would be state vs. Junior not You vs. Junior.


Absolutely correct... If he's on probation on previous assault or battery charges. Attacking you would be seen as violation of his probation, as would the drinking, and if charges are filed, although you may drop your charge, the state will likely nail him on the violation of probation. In any respect, if the court scene and probation didn't have any affect on him previously he is a danger to you and likely society, and he probably isn't going to change unless forced to undergo counseling.
 
I just saw and read this from beginning to end.....we've never met or spoken to each other...... It's hard for me to express the overwhelming sadness I have for what has happened to you. I hope you get well and your son gets the treatment he needs. Best wishes and prayers sent.
Bob.
 
I can't imagine what the OP is dealing with.

I can't imagine it because I would have beat the living chit out of my kid if he even looked cross-eyed at me. Worked for my dad. No doubt it will work for me.

Unless he's tougher than me... Then I'll be dead.



Travis
 
How are you doing Will?
Hopefully the swelling and pain is getting better with time.

Kick back and relax while watching Pocono today.

Later Brother
Shayne
 
Originally Posted By: yotehunter57 How are you doing Will?
Hopefully the swelling and pain is getting better with time.

Kick back and relax while watching Pocono today.

Later Brother
Shayne


Shayne...
Unlike the June race @ Pocono, today's race was (IMO) a very good race.
No major wrecks, yet 7-8 cautions.
Over 20 official lead changes, and the race boiled down to the very last 2 laps.
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I did get back home this morning. And, yep, I'm taking it easy.

The swelling is gone, except for a small area on the outer edge of my left eyebrow, and my left cheek bone (between the ear & the eye).
Bruising is all gone. But I still have some minor "to-the-touch" pain...and still have a continuous low-pain headache (from the concussion).

........


I thank all of you for your support.
 
No need to thank us, we're all friends and brothers at heart here.

The race was pretty good, and Khane was fast from the start.

Shayne
 
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