A message from the rual midwest:
Because of the misunderstandings that frequently
develop when Easterners and Californians cross states such as Kansas,Iowa, the Dakotas,Nebraska,Illinois, or Missouri, those state's Tourism Councils have adopted a new policy. In an effort to help outsiders understand the rual Midwesterner's mind,the following list will be handed to each person as they enter the state:
1.That slopeshouldered fram boy did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
2.It's called a "gravel road" No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your
Linclon "Navigator". I have a four wheel drive
because I need it. Drive it or get out of the way.
3.We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw "Bambi" We got over it.
4.Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get you wipped-by our women.
5.Go ahead and bring your $600.00 Orvis fly rod.
Don't cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13
inch trout you fish for-"Bait".
6.Pull your pants up. You look like a idot.
7.If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will
shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to
your ear at the time.
8.That's right, Whiskey is only two bucks. We can
buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport for one drink.
9.No,there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu.
Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chefs slad and pick off the two pounds of turkey and ham. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon.
10.You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.
11.So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have combines that cost a quarter of a million dollars-we use them for two weeks a year.
12.Let's get it straight. We have one spot light in town. We stop when it's red. We even may stop when it's yellow.
13.Our women hunt,fish and drive trucks-because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
14.Yeah, we eat cat fish. Carp, too-and turtle. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
15.they are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate 70 goes two ways-35 goes the other way. Pick one and use it accordingly.
16.The "Opener" refers to the first day of phesant season. It's a religious holiday. You can get breakfest at the church.
17.So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Understand the concept?
18.Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit into the water hazards. It spooks the fish.
19.That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idot...his name is "Sir" no matter how old he is.
Now, enjoy your vist and then go home....ASAP!
Because of the misunderstandings that frequently
develop when Easterners and Californians cross states such as Kansas,Iowa, the Dakotas,Nebraska,Illinois, or Missouri, those state's Tourism Councils have adopted a new policy. In an effort to help outsiders understand the rual Midwesterner's mind,the following list will be handed to each person as they enter the state:
1.That slopeshouldered fram boy did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
2.It's called a "gravel road" No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your
Linclon "Navigator". I have a four wheel drive
because I need it. Drive it or get out of the way.
3.We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw "Bambi" We got over it.
4.Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get you wipped-by our women.
5.Go ahead and bring your $600.00 Orvis fly rod.
Don't cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13
inch trout you fish for-"Bait".
6.Pull your pants up. You look like a idot.
7.If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will
shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to
your ear at the time.
8.That's right, Whiskey is only two bucks. We can
buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport for one drink.
9.No,there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu.
Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chefs slad and pick off the two pounds of turkey and ham. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon.
10.You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.
11.So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have combines that cost a quarter of a million dollars-we use them for two weeks a year.
12.Let's get it straight. We have one spot light in town. We stop when it's red. We even may stop when it's yellow.
13.Our women hunt,fish and drive trucks-because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
14.Yeah, we eat cat fish. Carp, too-and turtle. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
15.they are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate 70 goes two ways-35 goes the other way. Pick one and use it accordingly.
16.The "Opener" refers to the first day of phesant season. It's a religious holiday. You can get breakfest at the church.
17.So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Understand the concept?
18.Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit into the water hazards. It spooks the fish.
19.That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idot...his name is "Sir" no matter how old he is.
Now, enjoy your vist and then go home....ASAP!