what are your lessons learned from divorce?

T

Tbone-AZ

New member
Let me start by saying, please don't say sorry. I am counting down the days until it's final. It's 4 if you wanted to know.
Anyways, before i go into the final court date, which she has dragged out for 8 months, I want to see if there is any advice or heads up any of you could share with me.
I figure there are more than a few here, or have buddies that missed things that they wish they would have been wise to before getting hosed.

So, please share.
I am sick and tired of the stunts and lets just say there are things that she has done that make my friends groan and say.. Wow she is a *(&(&.
 
I learned why they are so expensive.

Because they are worth every freaking penny!

Other than my kids dealing with it, I have no regrets. You can always get more stuff. Your sanity is another thing.
 
Don't have a soft moment and be generous with the split. I paid on a second mortgage for 20 years on the shop we started together while she was making a couple hundred thousand a year in it.

Whatever you do don't marry that one again.

Don't go chasing every good looking skirt you see, just keep busy and let things normalize.
 
1) Never agree to Alimony...Even if it is initially one dollar per year...Once it's in effect, it can be raised by the court on about any basis she presents...

2) Be a little more than generous with any child support, but insist on receipts for money spent on them...You are not paying for her support past what is required for the kids...Her new clothing/shoes do not equate to their second hand clothing shopping..

3) Don't fall into a "Guilt Trap" or you will wind up eating beans for the next however many years until the kids are 18 (or out of college)...Too many suicides in these cases are due to the ex-husband/father not being able to see a light at the end of the tunnel from an expense standpoint..

4) If an attempt at manipulation is her wanting to meet you at some 'out of the way' place, always take a witness and don't go alone...I know of a couple of cases where the ex-wife committed, or attempted to commit, suicide and the husband was the primary suspect...

5) Insist on 'reasonable' child visitation if involved and stick to the agreed upon schedule, regardless of future hardship...Abandonment is hard for courts to understand, but easy for the custodial parent to claim...Any alternative conditions need to be approved by the court at the time of the finalization...Modifications can get expensive...
 
None...I was married again in a little over a years time.

Just kidding, 14 years w/second wife and all is good so far.

I think some very sound advice has been given.
 
If you're 4 days away, you're asking a little late there dude!

-- Never let a lawyer get under your skin... Hers or yours. They aren't worth it!

Second divorce, my attorney was worthless, more or less agreed to everything her attorney suggested. Told him if he didn't negotiate a better settlement, it would be a cold day in he11 before he got paid. I reckon it hasn't cooled off much there yet, and that's been 13+ years ago. Her attorney was a BYTCH... There are very few women in this world that can push my buttons to the point I would like to physically beat them senseless, but that one is at the top of the list still.


-- Don't let the attorneys drive you further apart than you already are. If there are children involved you need to remain on speaking terms.

The aforementioned BYTCH pushed I and the Ex further apart than we truly were. We did get back on speaking terms, and in the course thereof learned that a great deal of what we fought over in the divorce, her attorney drug into the divorce.


-- As OT said, demand receipts for child support money.

First wife married a friend of mine not long after we divorced, and they're still together 30+ years later. That one made the comment to one of my sisters one time, that they didn't really need the money for the child's support, that my child support payments were their fun money.

Second time around I was left with barely enough income to eat, and she traded vehicles, bought new livin room furniture, bought new bedroom furniture, just had all kinds of fun spending my child support money.


-- Establish visitation rights in the divorce. Do not agree to simple consensual visitation. Establish when you will get the kids in writing, and get them.

Ex #2 made no effort to see to it that my children visited, ever, and I only lived a block away. Her family is very close, and she's probably the most fanatic about everyone being together every holiday, every birthday, every weekend, every whatever, and thus I never saw my children except briefly on their birthdays and Christmas when they knew I had gifts for them. That built walls that take a long time to tear down. Pretty sure I, (with a little reinforcement from several other family members), have finally made my point with my daughter, and she's working on the boys as well. Also pretty sure that having just gone through a divorce of her own, AND seeing what a BYTCH her mother could be this summer over I and the youngest son hitting it off so well on his 21st birthday, has influenced that awakening as well.


-- Biggest lesson I ever learned in Divorce however, was not in my own. It was my first wife's parents' divorce and I've always found that to be a very wise position to take. Her father told me one time...

Never take sides in a divorce, unless it's your own!
 
I have a bunch of things already.. Sadly i am a slow learner and this is my second time though.. This marriage was 13 years and To the point every time I soften a bit, she pokes me with a cattle prod(figuratively) to remind me why i got rid of her.

1. before you move out/tell her, cancel all joint cards Trust me, that bit me.
2. Make a list of everything you use during the year (like the meat grinder and stuff).. Then on move out day send her to the spa, and have your buddies show up with a moving truck and schedule the notice to be served to her about 30 minutes before the end of the spa day and after your out. (that was a good one)
3. Make a video of everything you leave behind, to show you didn't strip the place clean.
4. ignore all text messages and get everything in writing (email)
5. call her all the dirty names you want when on the phone or in person, don't email them.
6. Don't agree to pay for extra activities, that is what child support is for.
7. i payed enough while living together, don't volunteer to pay for the cow you stopped milking and move on from.
8. Internet dating is a waste of time, if you need to try it. Then meet for drinks, you can always (and will) walk out quickly if you meet for dinner, your stuck until the food gets there, or the check. (i went on 50+ internet dates in the past 5 months, what a waste of time)
9. Don't trade down.. make sure that whom ever you date next is better than what you had, or why did you leave?
10. If they get a lawyer, look up in the court cases to see who they have had cases against, and lost too, then hire that lawyer. (nothing better than walking into court and seeing 2 sad faces, hers, and the lawyers)
11. Outline vacation days with the kids, the drop off and pick up times and days, then at the last minute switch, if they don't want to switch, it wasn't a good deal.
12. My favorite, anytime you talk in person have your phone out and even if your not recording, pretend, it makes them behave. I have some good ones on tape that my friends swear would get a million hits on youtube. But following legal advice, will not post. (lets just say it was the first time i picked up the kids with the new Girlfriend in the car, and the X didn't know she was coming.. Jerry Springer couldn't have scripted the 5 minute blowout better.

Again, I am just trying to see if there is anything that i am overlooking or may want to keep in mind.
Thanks for the advice and keep it coming.
 
Oh yeah, I forgot one... Find out who all the best Divorce Lawyers are in town. Book an appointment with each of them. Even if you can't afford them, having discussed your case with them even briefly, they won't take her case.
 
Start out by going into the court room with a cool head and keep it that way. Stand your ground and don't get a soft spot (there is a reason you are there is the first place). You may have to give and take but keep it reasonable. Don't get caught up in a lengthy battle over material items that are replaceable. When material items are brought up, you need to determine if the extra hours of the attorney are cheaper than the item.

If you have children and live in a state which specifies a minimum child visitation/contact, make sure that the state code for it is listed in the decree. This may save a trip back to court.
 
Kind of late for that now, unless he wants to get married again. I hear, that sometimes no matter how good a husband is the woman can be a POS, and impossible to live with.
smile.gif
 
Last edited:
Enjoy your freedom...you have earned it. Accept that the system is stacked heavily against you. The courts actually encourage divorce and reward women who choose not to remain in marriages.
 
Originally Posted By: Happy ProspectorThe one thing I learned from my divorce was that it would have been a lot cheaper in the long run to rent instead of buying the old cow.

Tried that route too... cost me almost as much to get rid of her, as it did to get rid of the ones I married!
angry.gif
 
Originally Posted By: Rocky1Originally Posted By: Happy ProspectorThe one thing I learned from my divorce was that it would have been a lot cheaper in the long run to rent instead of buying the old cow.

Tried that route too... cost me almost as much to get rid of her, as it did to get rid of the ones I married!
angry.gif




It's important to stick with short term leases
smile.gif
 
If there are kids involved, my sons lawyer told her lawyer she can not live more then 100 miles from a certain town in Tx. His lawyer said I can make it where she can not leave the county. Keep the kids as close as you can.
 
Ask your lawyer to file a "china doll affidavit" to request the court to order her to pay your attorney fees and court costs because she was being so unreasonable.
 


Write your reply...
Back
Top