Tasha, your question: "Do you think it's possible to tactfully and effectively make a person aware of their own inability to interact with others? And, is it possible that they can improve their skills with just the knowledge. If yes, how?"
Simple questions, no sweat:
1. Yes, unlikely but possible.
2. Very unlikely.
3. How? Personal coaching, by somone he or she fully believes has his or her best in mind. Also unlikely. In addition, personal pain softens most people relationally (after emerging from three years of deblitating disease, my wife says I am easier to live with. I sense no change in me at all. Well, hardly any.)
It is extremely hard to get people close to you to change, at least if you try to do it directly. I'm talking about spouses and parents especially. In such cases, love and geniune serving may help change both you and the hard case. But it may not.
It's like the psychologist changing a light bulb. It takes a long time and the light bulb has to want to change. Most people deny need for change and they won't hear it. A good parable might work. I don't know one for this application. Effective parables often engage and enlist a person's emotions before they are concious it applies to them. It is powerful to put a person emotionally in the shoes of someone he or she has treated badly. The guy who nailed King David (as an example of using a parable) for taking another guy's wife, did it with a parable about a rich man stealing a poor fellow's only sheep. Former sheepherder David got mad at the thief. The parable spinner replied, "You're the man."
Humanly speaking, many people will never change. That takes more than human power. If you try to aid someone to change, wait and wait for the optimum timing, and go for it in small increments. Build trust, if posssible. The boss I mentioned was driving his managers nuts. I wanted him to succeed, and I took him to lunch and asked if he was interested in a suggestion that might ease some of our personnel difficulties. He was nervous but said he wanted to hear what I had to say.
I built him up with praise for his genuine abilities, then spent a total of eight minutes out of two hours together (I timed it) going over a few topics and comments he often made in meetings. Small stuff. I explained how they were being perceived negatively by his managment team. It was super simple, and he could see that in a couple of cases, any mention of the subject was a no win for him. We had a big meeting two days later and he followed my suggestions to the letter. People charged out of the meeting saying it was the best one ever, actually useful for a change etc. Within weeks however, I think he saw my approach to him as threatening. He began to retaliate.
As to the second part of your question, (Is it possible to improve skills just by the knowledge that they need to change?) that's unlikely though it is a great start. Usually it takes some practice rather than just a one time becoming aware of one's deficiencies. And people come with a lot of different capacites to socialize. I've met a few who were simply lacking a social cog in their brain, a handicap less visible but just as real as mental dificiency. I can't believe this. This sounds like Dr. Phil....
Hey, hope things get better with your toxic person.
[This message has been edited by Okanagan (edited 02-27-2002).]
[This message has been edited by Okanagan (edited 02-27-2002).]
