After Ayatollah Khamenei dies, he finds himself in heaven.
"Welcome," says St. Peter, throwing open the pearly gates, "we've been expecting you."
As soon as Khamenei walks in, he sees George Washington. Without warning, Washington delivers a devastating uppercut to Bin Laden's groin.
Stunned and doubled over, Khamenei turns around to see Thomas Jefferson behind him. Jefferson raises a wooden cane and cracks it hard over Khamenei's head.
Then Patrick Henry approaches, and without hesitation, kicks him in the groin.
One by one, scores of American Founding Fathers gather around Khamenei and proceed to beat the crap out of him.
In agony, he cries out, "god, why? This isn't what you promised me!"
And he hears god's voice reply: "Didn't you listen, Khamenei?
I told you there'd be 72 Virginians waiting for you in paradise."