dorky joke thread

Two cannibals having a bowl of soup.
!st cannibal says"You know, I've always hated my mother in law." 2nd cannibal says don't worry about it, just eat the noodles."
 
A man was seriously injured in an auto accident. His entire left side was crushed. The doctors decided that amputation of most of his left side was in order and they proceeded with the operation removing left arm, left leg, left ear, etc.

When the doctor walked into the waiting room, the man's wife came running over to the surgeon and exclaimed, "Hos is my husband?"

To which the doctor replied, "He is going to be ALL RIGHT."
 
With Easter upon us, here a rabbit joke.

A lady opens her fridge and much to her amazement sees a rabbit on her shelf.
She asks "What are you doing here?"
The rabbit says " Isn't this a Westinghouse?"
The lady say "Why yes it is!"
The rabbit says "I'm westing."
 
Artifacts are a major portion of an American-Indian reservation's economy. Annually, thousands of tourists visit reservations and most will not leave without purchasing at least one memento of the traditional Indian culture.

One enterprising Indian was able to outsell his competitors in the sale of wooden dolls by selling them at only a fraction of the cost others had to charge. On examination of his dolls they found that where traditionally hard wood was used, this Indian would use cheap pine on which he glued thin pieces of fine mahogany, thus being able to produce the dolls at only a fraction of the cost.

While he claimed his dolls were still authentic, his competitors complained that it was only a cheap Sioux Veneer.
 
A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. The driver of the Yugo rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, "Hey, buddy, that's a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I've got one in my Yugo!"

The driver of Rolls looks over and says simply, "Yes I have a phone."

The driver of the Yugo says, "Cool! Hey, you got a fridge in there too? I've got a fridge in the back seat of my Yugo!"

The driver of the Rolls, looking annoyed, says, "Yes, I have a refrigerator."

The driver of the Yugo says, "That's great, man! Hey, you got a TV in there, too? You know, I got a TV in the back seat of my Yugo!"

The driver of the Rolls, looking very annoyed by now, says, "Of course I have a television. A Rolls-Royce is the finest luxury car in the world!"

The driver of the Yugo says, "Very cool car! Hey, you got a bed in there, too? I got a bed in the back of my Yugo!" Upset that he did not have a bed, the driver of the Rolls-Royce sped away, and went straight to the dealer, where he promptly ordered that a bed be installed in the back of the Rolls.

The next morning, the driver of the Rolls picked up the car, and the bed looked superb, complete with silk sheets and brass trim. It was clearly a bed fit for a Rolls Royce.

So the driver of the Rolls begins searching for the Yugo, and he drove all day. Finally, late at night, he finds the Yugo parked, with all the windows fogged up from the inside. The driver of the Rolls got out and knocked on the Yugo.

When there wasn't any answer, he knocked and knocked, and eventually the owner stuck his head out, soaking wet. "I now have a bed in the back of my Rolls-Royce," the driver of the Rolls stated arrogantly.

The driver of the Yugo looked at him and said, "You got me out of the shower to tell me THIS?"
 
A piece of string walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "Sorry, budddy. We don't serve strings in here."

So the string goes outside and asks the first person passing by, 'Hey man, double me over and muff up the top end."

Now the string goes back into the bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "Hey, aren't you that string I just ran out of here." To which the string replies, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."
 
Last edited:
In Memoriam
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey", died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.
 
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?


Pilgrims.....



-----



Two guys walked into a bar. The third guy ducked.

---

A dog walks into a bar, goes up to the bartender and says: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw..."

Bartender replies: "Hey, look everyone, a talking dog..."

=====

A priest, a nun, and a rabbi walk into a bar, look around, and say: "Maybe we shouldn't be in here", turn around and then leave.
 
JAMES(age 4) was listening to a Bible story.

His dad read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt ."

Concerned, James asked: "What happened to the flea?"
 
Which item in this set of four does not belong?

A. Crayfish
B. Chinese schoolboy under a boulder
C. Lobster
D. Salmon


The correct answer is D.

A salmon is a fish.

The other three items are crustaceans.
 
Mozart Beyond the Grave

When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard.
A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Mozart was buried.
Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it.
The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.
Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."
He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."
So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."
Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Mozart decomposing."
 
3 hunters in a bar disscussing the best place to shoot a deer.
1st hunter says I always shoot them in the heart.
2nd says I always shoot them in the neck.
3rd hunter says I always shoot them in the head.

There's an old hunter in the corner laughing, the 3 lads ask him "well where do you think is the best place to shoot a deer???


The old hunter says " Close to the road!!"
 
Back
Top