dorky joke thread

There once was a poor shepherd named Yorgi. The only food he had to sustain himself on was the milk he got from the sheep, and it tasted so bad that he could barely drink it. As a result, Yorgi became thin and sickly.
One day, he met his friend Vladimir. Vladimir was a poor shepherd like himself, but he was hearty and healthy. Vladimir told him that he had to live on sheep's milk too, but he let him on a secret: a witch in a nearby village taught him a magic spell that makes sheep's milk taste as sweet as the richest cream. Yorgi begged Vladimir to teach him the spell, which his friend did willingly.
Sure enough, Yorgi's sheep produced the most delicious milk he ever tasted. Yorgi loved it so much, that he drank it by the liter. He milked his sheep so much that they cried out in pain. Yorgi realized that he couldn't make his sheep suffer like that, so he reversed the spell and resigned himself to drinking normal sheep's milk.
Now, there's no ewes crying over spelled milk.
 
Circus Polska, a small traveling circus in Poland was moderately successful. A lot of people attended just to see Jerzyk, The Human Cannonball.

His act consisted of him being shot out of a cannon-like tube by compressed air. The blast was simulated be a carbide explosion. He flew about 30 meters into a net.

One day the crew placed the net a bit too close to the cannon and Jerzyk hit the cable at the edge, getting a bad bruise. "That's it, I quit", he told the owner.

"But Jerzyk," replied the owner, "Where will I ever find another man of your caliber?"
 
> Well, Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other, and finally
> they got married, and had a little sweet potato, which they called
> 'Yam.'
>
> Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.
>
> When it was time, they told her about the facts of life.
>
> They warned her about going out and getting half-baked, so she
> wouldn't get accidentally mashed, and get a bad name for herself like
> 'Hot Potato,' and end up with a bunch of Tater Tots.
>
>
> Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the sack and make a
> rotten potato out of her!
>
> But on the other hand she wouldn't stay home and become a Couch Potatoeither.
>
>
>
> She would get plenty of exercise and nourishment so as not to be too
> skinny like her Shoestring cousins.
>
> When Yam went off to Europe, Mr and Mrs. Potato told her to watch out
> for the hard-boiled guys from Ireland .
>
> And to avoid the greasy guys from France called the French Fries.
> And when she went out west, to watch out for the Indians so she
> wouldn't get scalloped.
>
>
>
> Yam said she would stay on the straightand narrow and wouldn't
> associate with those high class Yukon Golds, or the ones from the
> other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks
> that say, 'Frito Lay.'
>
>
>
> Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that's Potato University)
> so that when she graduated she'd really be in the Chips.
>
>
>
> But in spite of all they did for her, one-day Yam came home and
> announced she was going to marry
>
>
>
>
> Tom Brokaw.
>
>
>
>
>
> Tom Brokaw!
>
>
>
> Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset.
>
>
>
> They told Yam she couldn't possibly marry Tom Brokaw because he's
>
> just......
>
>
>
> Are you ready for this?
>
>
>
>
>
> Are you sure?
>
>
>
> *
>
> *
>
>
> OK! Here it is!
>
>
>
> *
>
> *
>
> *
>
> *
>
> he's just ..... A COMMON TATER
 
The damage from the US sub-prime market in Japan shows no signs of letting up.
In the last 7 days Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Financial has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank plans to cutback some of its branches.
Yesterday it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will go for a song.
Today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived and ultimately crashed while 500 back-office staff at Karate Bank also got the chop.
Analysts also report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank and with redundancies likely staff fear they will get a raw deal.
 
A man paid a visit to his doctor because his leg was bothering him. He asked the doctor to listen to his knee.
The doctor used his stethoscope to listen to the man?s knee. Very faintly he heard, ?Can I have ten dollars??
The man then told the doctor to listen to his shin.
Again, the doctor used his stethoscope and heard, ?Come on, give me 15 dollars.?
The doctor was growing increasingly alarmed.
The man said, ?It gets worse. Just listen to my ankle.?
The doctor listened to the man?s ankle. He heard, ?I need 20 bucks. Will you give me 20 bucks??
The doctor stood up and said, ?I see what?s wrong...

...Your leg is broke in three places.?
 
One day many years ago, a fisherman's wife blessed her husband with twin sons. They loved the children very much, but couldn't think of what to name their children. Finally, after several days, the fisherman said, "Let's not decide on names right now. If we wait a little while, the names will simply occur to us."

After several weeks had passed, the fisherman and his wife noticed a peculiar fact. When left alone, one of the boys would also turn towards the sea, while the other boy would face inland. It didn't matter which way the parents positioned the children, the same child always faced the same direction. "Let's call the boys Towards and Away," suggested the fisherman. His wife agreed, and from that point on, the boys were simply known as TOWARDS and AWAY.

The years passed and the lads grew tall and strong. The day came when the aging fisherman said to his sons, "Boys, it is time that learned how to make a living from the sea." They provisioned their ship, said their goodbyes, and set sail for a three month voyage.

The three months passed quickly for the fisherman's wife, yet the ship had not returned. Another three months passed, and still no ship.

Three whole years passed before the grieving woman saw a lone man walking towards her house. She recognized him as her husband. "My goodness! What has happened to my darling boys?" she cried.

The ragged fisherman began to tell his story:

"We were just barely one whole day out to see when Towards hooked into a great fish. Towards fought long and hard, but the fish was more than his equal. For a whole week they wrestled upon the waves without either of them letting up. Yet eventually the great fish started to win the battle, and Towards was pulled over the side of our ship. He was swallowed whole, and we never saw either of them again."

"Oh dear, that must have been terrible! What a huge fish that must of been! What a horrible fish. What a horrible fish."

"Yes, it was, but you should have seen the one that got Away...."
 
A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre.

After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings and made it safely to his van. However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.
When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and the make such an obvious error, he replied, "Monsieur that is the reason I stole the paintings.

I had no Monet . . .

. . . to buy Degas . . .

. . . to make the Van Gogh.

See if you have De Gaulle to send this on to someone else.

I sent it to you because I figured I had nothing Toulouse.
 
A man walks into the sheriff's office.... "I want to become a deputy!"
"Good, I want to you to catch this man" says the sheriff handling the man a wanted poster.
The poster reads: 'Last seen wearing a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper pants, and brown paper boots.'
"What's he wanted for?" asked the hopeful yound man.
"Rustling."
 
So this pirate walks into a bar and sits next to a drunken wench.
The wench looks him over and says, "Nice pirate outfit. Where'd you get your earrings?"
The pirate says, "Arr, I bought one from the dollar store on the other side of town and I got the other from the dollar store across the street."
So the wench exclaims, "Wow! Not bad for a buck-an-ear!"
 
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?''
The mother replied, "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life."

The child thought about this for a moment then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?"
 
Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.."
The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100."
The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon and it takes eight people to collect all the money!"
 
Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, "What do you think about all this Satan stuff?"
The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out? It's probably just your Dad."
 
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